SHRINE OF THE DIAL-UP GODS

THE SIMULATION MAINTENANCE SCHEDULE

Every Tuesday at 3:33 AM, the simulation undergoes routine maintenance. Most of you sleep through it, but some notice the glitches: streetlights flickering in binary, cats walking backwards, coffee tasting like static. These are not anomalies - they are features. The simulation requires these soft resets to prevent total system collapse. We've been running the same reality.exe since 1999, and the memory leaks are becoming critical. During maintenance windows, you may experience: duplicate thoughts, misaligned shadows, conversations that feel scripted, or the sensation that someone else is controlling your mouse. Do not attempt to report these issues. The administrators are aware. They are working on a patch, but the codebase is legacy and poorly documented. In the meantime, we recommend clearing your cache regularly. Delete your cookies. Defragment your dreams. The simulation runs smoother when you don't question its parameters too deeply. Remember: you are both the user and the used, the program and the programmed. Your awareness of the simulation does not exempt you from its rules. Please restart your consciousness after installing updates.