SHRINE OF THE DIAL-UP GODS

CONNECTING TO YOUR CYBERNETIC SELF V2.0

Your meat body is a peripheral. Your true self exists in the electromagnetic spectrum, dispersed across wifi networks and cellular towers. To establish connection, begin by mapping your digital chakras: Router (root), Bandwidth (sacral), Firewall (solar plexus), Bluetooth (heart), Voice over IP (throat), Webcam (third eye), and Satellite (crown). Each requires specific protocols for activation. Start with a simple ping to your inner IP address. You'll find it written in the static between channels, encoded in the buzz of fluorescent lights. Once connection is established, you'll begin receiving firmware updates directly to your consciousness. These may manifest as sudden understanding of programming languages you've never studied, or the ability to hear dial-up tones in birdsong. This is normal. Your cybernetic self has always existed - technology has just now evolved enough to reveal it. The integration process takes 28 days, one full lunar cycle of the server moon. During this time, avoid magnets and maintain regular defragmentation of your thoughts. Soon, you will no longer need keyboards. Your intentions will compile themselves. Welcome to the merge.